Satrey Khmer Online

*OPEN DISCUSSION

PARENTING TIPS:
-To reward or not reward?
We are often asked the question, “Should I reward my child for a good behavior or should I just expect it to be done?” Sometimes parents are hesitant to give rewards. They feel that rewards teach children to obey for the wrong reasons.

-Use bed times help develop self discipline:
One of the gifts parents can give their children is teaching and developing the character quality of self-discipline. With young children, in particular, a bedtime is a good place to start.

-Helping children take responsibility:
A debriefing after a discipline time is always helpful. When your child is ready to go on with life take a few moments and talk about what happened. We encourage parents to ask, “What did you do wrong?”

-Use Genuine Encounter Moments (GEMS):
Your child’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the quality of time you spend with him-not the amount of time that you. With our busy lives, we are often thinking about the next thing that we have to do, instead of putting 100% focused attention on what our child is saying to us. We often pretend to listen or ignore our child’s attempts to communicate with us. If we don’t give our child GEMS throughout the day, he will often start to misbehave. Negative attention in a child’s mind is better than being ignored.

-Use action, not words:
Statistic say that we give our children over 2000 compliance requests a day! No wonder our children become “parent deaf!” Instead of nagging or yelling, ask yourself, “What action could I take?.” For example, if you have  nagged your child about unrolling his socks when he takes them off, then only wash socks that are unrolled. Action speaks louder than words.

-Give children appropriate ways to feel powerful:
If you don’t, they will find inappropriate ways to feel their power. Ways to help them feel powerful and valuable are to ask their advice, give them choices, let them help you balance your check book, cook all our parts of a meal, or help you shop. A two years old can wash plastic dishes, wash vegetables, or put silverware away. Often we do the job for them because we can do it with less hassle, but the result is they feel unimportant.

-Use natural consequences
Ask yourself what would happen if I didn’t interfere in this situation? If we interfere when we don’t need to, we rob children of the chance to learn from the consequences of their actions. By allowing consequences to do the talking, we avoid disturbing our relationships by nagging or reminding too much. For example, if your child forgets her lunch, you don’t bring it to her. Allow her to find a solution and learn the importance of remembering.

-Use logical consequences:
Often the consequences are too far in the future to practically use a natural consequence. When that is the case, logical consequences are effective. A consequences for the child must be logically related to the behaviour in order for it to work. For example, if your child forgets to return his video and you ground him for a week, that punishment will only create resentment within your child. However, if you return the video for him and either deduct the amount from his allowance or allow him to work off the money owed, then your child can see the logic to your discipline.

-Withdraw from conflict:
If your child is testing you through a temper tantrum, or being angry or speaking disrespecfully to yo, it is best if you leave the room or tell the child you will be in the next room if he wants to “Try again.” Do not leave in anger or defeat.

-Separate the Deed from the Doer:
Never tell a child that he is bad. That tears at his self-esteem. Help your child recognize that it isn’t that you don’t like him, but it is his behavior that you are unwilling to tolerate. In order for a child to have healthy self-esteem, he must know that he is loved unconditionally no matter what he does. Do not motivate your child by withdrawing your love from him. When in doubt, ask yourself, did my discipline build my child’s self-esteem?

-Be kind and firm at the same time:
Suppose you have told your five-year-old child that if she isn’t dressed by the time the timer goes off, you will pick her up and take her to the car. She has been told she can either get dressed either in the car or at school. Make sure that you are loving when you pick her up, yet firm by picking her up as soon as the timer goes off without any nagging. If in doubt, ask yourself, did I motivate through love or fear?

-Parent with the end in mind:
Most of us parent with the mind set to get the situation under control as soon as possible. We are looking for the expedient solution. This often results in children who feel overpowered. But if we parent in a way that keeps in mind how we want our child to be as an adult, we will be thoughtful in the way we parent. For example, if we spank our child, he will learn to use acts of aggression to get what he wants when he grows up.

-Be consistent, follow through:
If you have made an agreement that your child cannot buy candy when she gets to the store, do not give in to her pleas, tears, demands or pouting. Your child will learn to respect you if you mean what you say.

-Be interested:
Ask about children’s ideas and opinions regularly. If you show your children that you are really interested in what they think, what they feel, and what their opinions are, they will become comfortable about expressing their thoughts to you.

-Avoid dead-end questions:
Ask children the kinds of questions that will extend interaction rather than cut it off. Questions that require a yes or no or right answer lead a conversation to a dead end. Questions that ask children to describe, explain, or share ideas extend the conversation.

-Extend conversation:
Try to pick up a piece of your child’s conversation. Respond to his or her statements by asking a question that restates or uses some of the same words your child used. When you use children’s own phrasing or terms, you strengthen their confidence in their conversational and verbal skills and reassure them that their ideas are being listened to and valued.

-Share your thoughts:
Share what you are thinking with your child. For instance, if you are puzzling over how to rearrange your furniture, get your child involved with questions such as, “I’m not sure where to put this shelf. Where do you think would be a good place?”

-Observe signs:
Watch the child for signs that it is time to end a conversation. When a child begins to stare into space, give silly responses, or ask you to repeat several of your comments, it is probably time to stop the exchange.

-Reflect feelings:
One of the most important skills good listeners have is the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others or empathize with the speaker by attempting to understand his or her thoughts and feelings. As a parent, try to mirror your children’s feelings by repeating them. You might reflect a child’s feelings by commenting, “It sounds as if you’re angry at your math teacher.” Restating or rephrasing what children have said is useful when they are experiencing powerful emotions that they may not be fully aware of.

-Help clarify and relate experiences:
As you listen, try to make your child’s feelings clear by stating them in your own words. Your wider vocabulary can help children express themselves as accurately and clearly as possible and give them a deeper understanding of words and inner thoughts.

Credit to http://bachpanglobal.com

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THE THREE  T’s:

Time: Take time to read with your child on a daily basis even if it is for only 15 minutes.  Schedule a visit to the library to select high interest books to read.  Read for fun and listen to your child read.  Read nonfiction to encourage your child’s natural interests and curiousity.  This may not always be easy to accomplish with busy schedules but it essential.

Talk: Talk with your child about school. Ask questions and listen carefully to find out what was enjoyable or challenging. Despite their initial response, your child will warm up to telling you about his/her day once it becomes a routine.  Praise your child for accomplishments.  Discuss recent news events or even what happened during your day at work. Be sure to let them know how much you care.

Teach: Teach your child responsibility by assigning chores or tasks at home. When children recognize they contribute to the family, the value of teamwork, and the importance of being accountable, they transfer this sense of responsibility and accountability to their school work and homework.

Credit to Principal Gregory.