Etiquette: Sleep, Walk, Stand, Sit, and Speak

Customary Cambodian teachings commence at home at a very young age. Our parents place very strict rules, manner and rules for behavior must be taught when babies start to sit or stand. These are training to become good citizen of the society. “The values below capture the essence of a well-mannered Cambodian.”

Sleep

-Wake up before sunrise or you are lazy.
-Sleeping places in the home are determined according to status. (Cambodian families in the rural often live in one or two rooms, and everyone sleeps on the same bed, a large slatted wooden platform about eight- or ten-feet square. The parents sleep at the “head” end and the youngest children sleep at the “foot.”)

Walk

-Tell people where you are going and when you are coming back. (This is important to show respect to others and to keep them from being embarrassed if someone asks and they don’t know where you are.)
-If someone of higher status is passing you, bend lower (from the waist) than that person.
-Don’t make sounds with your skirt when you walk.
-Don’t wear shoes or hats when you enter a house or temple.
-Close doors softly when you go through them.
-When you meet someone on the street, ask where they are going.

Stand

-Stand with your arms crossed at the waist. (Arms at the side means you are signaling that you are strong. Hands on the hips or arms behind your back or across the chest means you are rich, powerful, threatening, or disrespectful of other people.)

Sit

-Sit with your legs straight down. (Crossing legs shows disrespect.)
-Never put your feet on a table or show the soles of your feet to others.
-Men can sit on the floor in the lotus position while eating.
-Women must sit on the floor with legs aside.
-Sit lower than an elder( sit on floor and let the elder sit on the chair)

Speak

-Speak softly and gently.
-Show feelings only at home.
-Children are not allowed to speak until they are permitted to talk.
-Let others talk more than you.
-If you speak with anger or emotion or express feelings, you will not be respected. You are behaving like an immature and uneducated child.
-Patience is a virtue. (Parents make a comparison between a gasoline fire which ignites quickly and burns to nothing, and a charcoal fire which is difficult to start but cannot easily be extinguished and becomes more intense.)
-Do not make aggressive movements or gestures–such as making a fist, pounding the table, or throwing something–while speaking.
-Moderated feelings are best, i.e., those that are neither very happy or very angry or sad.
-Giving criticism or discussing an individual’s problems must not be done in public. (That person will lose face, want revenge, and will be unable to accept your idea.) If you must give criticism, do so in private and indirectly. Talk around the issue, ask for information about the issue, and then let the individual reach her own conclusion in her own time and way.

Eat

-Slurping is considered to be rude
-Take food only when asked or directed to.
-Use the communal spoon. Not using it indicates you are insincere or not part of the group.
-People of high rank do not expect to have to get their own food (especially at a buffet). They are often seated in a private or special place and served by others to show status and respect.
-All guests must be served water or another drink even if they come for only a short visit. Give a drink rather than ask what they want which is impolite. If asked, they are obligated to choose the least expensive drink.
-If guests come during a meal, they must be invited to eat.

Greet

-Offer a traditional greeting with hands in front of face, palms together, in prayer-like fashion.
-Men can shake hands with men.
-Men should not shake hands with Khmer women unless they offer their hand.
-Men should not hug, kiss, or touch the body of a Khmer woman while greeting her. (She will lose respect and feel embarrassed.)
-Men should not look women directly in the eye. (They may feel uncomfortable or shy)
-Men should not give “strong” visual attention to other men or woman.

Dress

-Formality is very important for respect in the office and at important occasions, when teaching, or when being welcomed as a guest.
-Men wear long-sleeve shirts, long pants, and shoes. No T-shirts and sandals.
-Women should avoid skirts above the knees and sleeveless or low-cut blouses.
-Shorts are not appropriate in public or when a guest.
-The goal in dressing is to blend in with others, not to stand out.
-Men’s hair should be short.

Work

-Maintaining proper relationships in the office takes priority over the work.
-You will get honor if you show respect and politeness to those of higher status or power.
-It is better to agree than to disagree, especially if the other person has a higher status.
-It is the responsibility of those in power to make decisions.
-You are expected to work hard and do the task without being told by your boss.

At School:

Note: The message in this little song is supposed to teach children manners and disciplines from the primary
school school age and up. It encourages them to be brave, speak up, keep high hope, body straight, and chin up.
Basically, be brave yet have good manners.

We try to come close as we can for this translation. However, feel free to add your piece as you see fit, especially
for those who had heard this song before or sang it while in elementary school, you know exactly what i am talking about.

Der reu daik dohng kluan ouy trorng,
Trov dom rorng thon kluan nov kmeng
Tuos ongkuy reu muy chorh leng, yerng kmeng kmeng chorh ouy trorng kluan
Mok ñor ñeum songkheum chea nich kom bae kich lorb merl krouy knong
Ngerb mok leurng niyeay chleuy chlorng terb neak phorng ké hao klaharn
Yeung min mèn chea kmeng kaong kach, min trov klach bèt mok bèt moat
Hien suor hien chleuy ouy chamm stoat, cheat pol rath sor-seu tngai kraoy (anakuot)

Translation:
Walk or sleep, keep your body straight
Keep it straight while you are still young
Stand, sit, or play, we, the children stay straight (have manners)
Keep your smile and keep your hope up. be mindful of your surroundings (look behind you)
Keep your face up and make conversation, assert yourself and be brave.
We are not mischievous children and don’t be shy
Be brave. Ask questions or give answers—for that, you will be admired.

*Thanks to Khmer Voice team for helping refining the translation.* I incorporated my lines with parish-without-borders.*